Cummins Boldly Explores New Worlds

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In a recent bid for interstellar domination, Cummins has agreed to send innovative power solutions to seven newly-discovered planets.

The new system of planets, announced by NASA in February and known as TRAPPIST-1, presents a new opportunity for the company to explore gravity-free power, alternative fuels and a new universe of consumer markets.

Engineers are rushing to adapt the QSK 95L-powered generator for space travel. The new model, the SpaceHog, will be ready for shipment in 2020. The SpaceHog comes equipped with its own oxygen-creating filtration kit and a recyclable fuel system that can reuse diesel fuel indefinitely. Using current rocket technology, the SpaceHog will reach the closest planet – which is 40 light years away – in the year 13,270.

“We’re not particularly concerned about the time delay,” said an anonymous source close to the project. “After all, diesel engines are timeless. We’re even adding additional turbos to shave off a few hundred years of travel time.”

Cummins will send additional products in the same shipment. These include a new InterStellarBrand (ISB) 6.7 L-powered rover vehicle, which will explore the unfamiliar and treacherous terrain. In the event that one of the planets contains water, the company will also send a QSM11-powered submarine, which can remotely explore underwater worlds.

“Even if these planets are empty, we’ll be at the forefront of data mining in this environment,”” noted a data analyst for the project. “We’ve equipped each engine with on-board computers that will collect data for several Six Sigma projects we’re launching on power in space.”

An artist’s rendering of the Cummins QSK95-powered satellite that could make the trip to TRAPPIST-1.

 

CUMMINS PREPARED TO BOLDLY GO…

Undoubtedly, this project gives new meaning to the term “big data.”

If the planets do contain life, Cummins will be the first to recruit the best and brightest talent in the universe. Recruiting pamphlets will be sent along, just in case.

Leadership is thrilled about the opportunity, especially after Cummins lost funding for its Pluto Project in 2006, when the planet was demoted to dwarf-planet status. “We knew we’d get another chance after the Pluto debacle,” said a now-retired executive. “This is the moment we’ve been waiting for.”

The new discovery has led many to ask the age-old question, “Are we alone in the universe?” We may not know the answer to that, but we can say with confidence that the intergalactic future will be powered by Cummins.

Editor’s note: If you haven’t yet suspected, this is an April Fools’ Day story. We hope you enjoyed it!

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